Clifford Page 8

  I looked. Sure enough, there it was, in the centre of my chest. I unbuttoned my shirt to see it better. Made mostly of polished wood, it was beautiful. I watched the second hand sweep around, looked at the gears and wheels spinning.

  “Check out mine,” he said.

  I looked. His was made of stainless steel, shining with its own glow. I felt a tinge of jealousy. Why was his made of stainless steel and mine only of wood? I looked back at mine, noted that the gears were ceramic. Somehow that made it better. Ceramic is in many ways superior to steel. It can take more heat.

  “That’s going to be the hard part,” he said.

  “What is?”

  “Time.”

  “For what?”

  “For the rocket.”

  “Oh yeah,” I remembered.

  “Finding the right modulation so that I can regulate its speed.”

  “I thought you were going to cancel out the space waves to make it move.”

  “That, and time together. If I can get time to run slower in front of it than behind it…Well, we’ll see how that turns out.”

  Somewhere in a world filled with flowing space waves, somewhere in the afternoon that became evening that became night — somewhere I lost Clifford. I wandered the riverbank alone, found people to trip with. Met a woman who held my hand. I tried to show her the space waves, but her wine and marijuana trip didn’t allow for insight.

  I found morning, or morning found me, in Ila’s bed. Or maybe her name was Ida. I don’t know, Ila or Ida, I lay awake listening to the sound of her breathing, not quite snoring, not wanting to be in bed anymore and not wanting to leave before she woke up. That would have been rude.

  Ultimately I made my way back to the apartment. Clifford was drinking coffee. He had a cup in his left hand and he was putting things away, slowly, without any deliberation, just sort of cleaning up after.

  “You missed it,” he said.

  “What’s that?”

  “The rocket. Launched it this morning.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I figured out how it all works.”

  “How all what works?”

  “Space, gravity, reality, all of it. Remember those space waves I showed you?” He coiled the wires leading to the oscilloscope.

  “Oh, I remember alright.” I must have still had some peyote in my system because I saw a brief glimmer of them at their mention.

  “Those are the fundamental building blocks of everything in the universe. It’s all about how much energy is applied to them. Do you know the electromagnetic spectrum?”

  I didn’t.

  He explained. “It’s all about how fast the waves vibrate. If they’re vibrating very fast, they’re gamma radiation; a little bit slower and they’re X-rays; slower and they become ultraviolet; then we’re into the visible light part of the spectrum. Think of a rainbow.”

  In my present state, it wasn’t hard to visualize.

  “The rainbow has all the colours arranged based on the speed the light wave is vibrating: violet, blue, green, yellow, orange, and red. If we slow the wave down some more, we get infrared; a little slower and we get microwaves; then the slowest are radio waves. But all of them were first space waves. It just depends upon how much energy is added to make each one.” He took a sip from his coffee. “But I knew most of that already. What I figured out last night kind of surprised me.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It has to do with light. We know that light can be either a wave or a photon, and that a photon is a type of particle. So if light can be either a wave or a particle, and light is just space with more energy applied, then space, too, must be either a wave or a particle. We don’t have a name for space when it takes that form, so I made one up. I call it a spaton.

  “And just like when space is a wave, the energy we add to it when it is a spaton changes it. Depending on how much energy is added, it can become an up quark or a down quark.”

  “Whoa, whoa, you’re losing me.”

  “Quarks. That’s what the protons and neutrons in the atom are made from.”

  “Yeah, I know, but slow down.”

  “There are six different types of quarks, depending on how much energy each has. To make a proton you need two up quarks and a down quark. To make a neutron you need two down quarks and an up quark. Basically, quarks are the building blocks of atoms.”

  “And if a quark was originally a chunk of space, or, as you call it, a spaton, then everything in the universe was originally space.”

  “You got it.”

  I was slowly getting my head around it. But I still had a question. “So what’s that got to do with your rocket?”

  “Well, the spaton part and the fact that all matter was originally space were just a bonus that came from the idea that space could be either a wave or a spaton. It had nothing to do with the rocket. But it helps in understanding space in all its forms.

  “As for the rocket: once I figured out the speed that space waves were vibrating at, it was easy to convert microwaves back into space waves, and once I knew how to make space waves, I knew how to cancel them out, so there was less space in front of the rocket than behind it and the space behind pushed it.”

  “So what speed do space waves vibrate at?”

  He looked at me for a long second before answering. “You’ll have to work it out for yourself. I can’t tell. If people found out, they’d use it to kill each other.”

  Now I became skeptical. Son of a bitch brother was fucking with me. Again.

  “So how high did it go?” My question sounded more like a test.

  “Don’t know. It never came down.”

  * * *

  I lie in the darkness, my back curled, listening to the sound of my own breathing, remembering. I don’t know which I regret more: believing him in the first place, or missing out on seeing that rocket go up.

  Trickster

  Mom told stories about Wesakicahk, the trickster, how, whenever he did something, it always turned out messed up. She told the traditional stories that her grandmother had told her when she was our age, stories about his tricking the ducks and geese, and the loon telling on him, and how he burned his ass on a hot rock to teach it a lesson.

  The wonderful thing about our trickster was that we could also make up stories about him. Clifford said that in the olden days, when someone wanted to confess something to the camp, they would wait until evening when everyone was around the fire, telling stories, and they would make up a story about what they did and blame it on Wesakicahk. Clifford also said that was why Wesakicahk left us. He saw hard times coming for the people and he didn’t want to get blamed for it.

  “But Wesakicahk will come back,” Clifford said. “He will be here in the future.” Then he told me the story that he had made up:

  Kayas — Clifford started the story with the Cree word that means long time ago, but since it is always used at the beginning of traditional stories, maybe it means Once upon a time — Wesakicahk had forgotten most of the teachings of the Grandfathers. He knew a little. He still remembered a few things but not much; he remembered what a rattle was for, and he still had a little bit of magic left in him. But most of the things from the Creator, Wesakicahk had forgotten.

  At that time the scientists had learned a few things. They thought they knew just about everything. They had an idea about what they called space glue. They knew that most of reality was emptiness. They knew that the atoms were held together by something, but they did not know what that something was. And they knew that if they took an atom apart, the pieces would still be connected by some mysterious force. This mystery had the scientists confused, and they wanted to find out the secret of the force.

  Well, one of the scientists was more determined than all the others. He wanted to be the one who became famous for discovering the secret of
existence. The mystery frustrated him. The more frustrated he got, the angrier he became. Finally, in great anger, he succeeded in breaking the bond between atoms. It sounded like cloth ripping. From somewhere he heard someone say ouch. He had put a hole in reality itself.

  The scientist became very afraid because the hole he had created started to grow. As a hole in anything will get bigger by itself, so did the hole in reality. And there was no way to stop the hole from getting larger. It looked like a black ball that kept growing. Anything that went into the hole disappeared, because its atoms could no longer be held together. Since all things are made of atoms, when the force that holds them together is destroyed, the atoms, being very small, drift away into the nothingness of the hole.

  The scientist tried putting lead around the strange hole. Lead was the most dense element that he knew about. Well, lead slowed the hole from growing a little, but since the hole was created by destroying the force that held atoms together, even lead, which is made of atoms, could only slow down the hole from growing.

  Strange things began to happen. Animals came to the hole like a moth to a flame. Insects buzzed at the window of the laboratory and crawled under the door. Birds tried flying into the building. Animals from the forest came into the city to be near the hole. Any animal that was able to get into the hole did, and disappeared because their atoms were no longer held together.

  The people found out what was going on because the scientists could not keep it a secret with all the animals on Earth acting strangely and trying to get into the laboratory. The people were very afraid when they found out existence was in danger and the scientists could not save it. Some scientists said the hole could be used to get rid of nuclear waste, which they had a lot of in those days, but the people no longer trusted the scientists and would not go along with the plan. Anyway, the scientists could not be certain what would happen if nuclear waste was put in the hole.

  Something had to be done. The animals would not stay away from the hole. All day eagles soared over the laboratory, waiting for a chance to get inside. Lions tried to escape from zoos. A big herd of elephants drowned, trying to swim across the ocean. Whales were throwing themselves onto the shore along with fish and turtles, and the people were afraid that if they did not do something, there would be no animals left on Earth. The people were mostly afraid because bears and wolves were walking into the city, and they were scared to be outdoors.

  They decided they would send the hole far out into outer space. Perhaps even to the end of the universe.

  Wesakicahk asked if he could steer the spaceship that took the hole far away. He told the scientists that he would steer the spaceship for as long as he was alive, because it would take longer than many lifetimes to get there, and then he would point the spaceship toward the end of the universe before he died. The scientists agreed to let him go because it was important that nothing happen to the spaceship that carried the dangerous hole until it was very far from the earth. If the hole was free to grow, it would swallow up the earth and the moon and even the sun. Mostly they let Wesakicahk have the job because none of them wanted it.

  Wesakicahk was alone in the spaceship, far from Earth. He was very lonely. He used his rattle and sang an ancient song.

  He prayed hard.

  He had given the remainder of his life for Creation and would die alone out among the stars to take the hole far away from the people he loved. He was very afraid of death and was very lonely. He prayed with so much sincerity that Eagle appeared in the spaceship with him.

  “What are you doing here?” asked Wesakicahk.

  “I am a spirit,” answered Eagle, “and I have taken the form of this sacred bird so that you can see me and speak to me.”

  “Ohhh,” said Wesakicahk, figuring it out. “Spirit in the form of a sacred bird; you have wings, you can travel across the universe — can you take this hole to the end of the universe for me so that I can go back home?”

  The spirit bird answered, “The end of the universe is not very far away. In fact, the end of the universe is in the hole you are trying to take there.” Then the spirit eagle disappeared.

  Again Wesakicahk used his rattle and his song, and again the spirit returned, this time in the shape of a sacred wolf.

  Wesakicahk asked it, “Brother, I cannot get my feeble brain around the idea that the end of the universe is the hole I am trying to take there. Can you help me get rid of it?”

  “No,” refused Wolf. “Humans made the hole; it is up to them to get rid of it.” And it left.

  Once more Wesakicahk sang in time to his rattle and prayed, and again the spirit returned, this time in the shape of Buffalo.

  Wesakicahk asked the buffalo spirit, “How can humans mend the hole they ripped in Creation?”

  “Do like the animals,” answered Buffalo. “They love Creation so much they are willing to give their lives for it.”

  After the buffalo spirit left, Wesakicahk was alone in the spaceship. He thought about going into the hole if he could be certain that would mend it. But it was a big gamble. What if he misunderstood what the spirit had meant? What if he went into the hole and it just became bigger? He had to be sure before he gave his life because he only had one life and didn’t want to waste it. So he rattled, sang, and prayed one more time.

  The spirit returned, this time in the form of a child.

  Wesakicahk’s face showed his confusion.

  “Sure,” said the spirit. “Humans are sacred animals too.”

  It took Wesakicahk a moment to get his head around that idea. He just sat there, thinking. Finally he asked in a sincere voice, sincere because his life depended upon it, “Why will the hole be mended if I go into it? Does it demand a human sacrifice?”

  The spirit child laughed, a little giggly sound. “Humans believe we are the most important of Creation because we are the most destructive. The animals tried to give their lives to the hole because they love Creation. They came to the hole to give their love. They loved so much they were willing to give their lives for it.”

  Now Wesakicahk was very confused. He asked the spirit, “How can love mend a hole in existence? Isn’t love just an emotion? How can it fix anything in the real world, like holding the atoms together?”

  The spirit child laughed even more. When it finally settled down enough, it said, “Existence is love. The force that keeps the atoms together is the Creator and the Creator is love. It was only because the scientist was angry that he was able to put a hole in the Creator, and it was the Creator who said ouch when the scientist put a hole in her.”

  So Wesakicahk filled his heart with love for all of existence, which is the Creator, and the hole closed itself back up. Then Wesakicahk turned the spaceship around and came back to Earth.

  Clifford said, “From that we learned to love all of Creation, and why we try so hard to live in harmony with the animals and plants that are our sacred brothers and sisters in Creation. We are all held together by the same force that keeps our atoms from drifting apart.”

  Growth

  I choose to remember the good times; it’s what he would have wanted. Maybe the reason he tried to teach me so much was so that I might know something. Maybe I am wrong to doubt everything he said as another one of his hoaxes, tricks played on the little brother.

  * * *

  I had come back from the mine to our apartment, and Clifford needed money. He should have just asked to borrow a hundred, but instead he set me up.

  “You’re looking good,” he greeted. “Quite a bit bigger than when you left.”

  “What are you talking about? I’m not bigger.”

  “Sure you are, considerably. I can prove it.”

  I was skeptical, but cautious. He was up to something. “Okay, prove it, then.”

  “Well, let’s make a little bet. How about a hundred dollars?”

  Careful now. I flashed bac
k to when we were children and it was our job to do the dishes, Clifford washed and I wiped. He made the chore into something fun. He would bet he knew how many forks or knives or spoons there were, and the bets were never small, a hundred or a thousand dollars. He kept track of how much I owed him, and the amount added up to millions of dollars. Not that I could ever pay my gambling debt at six years old. “That’s okay,” he’d say. “You can pay me when you’re an adult.”

  I knew to be cautious. “Exactly what is the bet?”

  “I bet one hundred dollars that I can prove you are considerably larger than you were three weeks ago when you left to go to work.” His face was blank. A poker face. I couldn’t see anything in it.

  I thought about it for a moment. It was only a hundred dollars. I had a whole paycheque in my pocket. And it was intriguing.

  “You’re on. Prove it.”

  “Why is the sky blue?”

  “What’s that got to do with anything?”

  “Everything.” He went to the big armchair and sat down, legs outstretched.

  This was obviously going to take some time. I sat on the couch across from him. Waited.

  “The reason the sky is blue is because space is moving toward us, carrying the light.”

  I just shook my head. Didn’t say anything. It would all come out.

  “Remember the big bang?”

  “Not really, a little before my time.”

  He smiled. “Yeah, about fourteen billion years before your time. Anyway, the big bang is the wrong name for the beginning of the universe. The theorist Fred Hoyle was criticizing the idea when he accidentally came up with it. Big bang gives an image of a mortar shell or an atomic bomb going off. It wasn’t like that. The expanding universe isn’t debris flying away from an explosion.”

  “What is it then?”

  “The origination of the universe was a spore that spontaneously began to grow. The universe is growing, not exploding. It’s actually more like mycelium or maybe mycelia, not sure about that. Anyway, we know the universe is expanding because of the red shift of distant galaxies. You know red shift–blue shift?”